Helping a victim

Supporting a person

Receiving a disclosure

Many reasons contribute to silence: myths and prejudices, fear of reprisals from the aggressor, the impression of being the only one in the situation, confused feelings about the aggressor, fear of legal proceedings, fear of disrupting the lives of loved ones and the impression of being responsible for the event, shame, guilt, fear that no one will believe us, fear of being judged, or not knowing who to talk to.
It is important to take the time to listen to the person who confides in you that they have been sexually assaulted. Even if you are not a specialist, listening in a non-judgmental, caring and respectful way when the confidence is made can make a huge difference to the person.

For someone who has experienced sexual abuse, it can be difficult to talk about it. Many questions run through their minds. “Will people believe me?” “Who do I tell?” “What will happen if I tell?” How a disclosure is received has a major impact on the survivors’ journey.
The following chart highlights some of the harmful and helpful reactions.

Helpful Reactions

Listening

Listening to what the victim has to say without making judgments. Letting them express themselves in their own words, in their own way, at their own pace.

Believing

Believing what the victim is telling. It is their experience and perception. For the moment, you must focus on what they say and experience.

Receiving

Receiving what the victim is saying without minimizing or amplifying the facts, the emotions, or the consequences.

Encouraging their strengths

Valuing the victim’s good deeds. Emphasizing their strengths and their courage to talk about them.

Being supportive

Being available to talk about it or accompany the victim. If you feel unable to help, it is important to tell the victim and help him or her find someone else who can.

Make the victim feel less guilty

Making the victim understand that it is not their fault that they were sexually assaulted. Their responsibility is to take care of herself. The abuser is entirely responsible for his actions.

Empowering the victim

Helping the victim regain control of his or her life, while being present. Giving them space to breathe, to return to their normal level of functioning.

Validate the emotions

Helping the victim to express what he or she is feeling by normalizing his or her reactions, emotions and feelings (anger, resentment, guilt, low self-esteem).

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Harmful Reactions

Judging

Asking direct questions to the victim.

Trying to get details from the victim.

Talking non-stop.

Doubt

Being skeptical, questioning what the victim is saying.

Trivializing, minimizing or, on the contrary, dramatizing

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Underlining their weaknesses, what they could have said and done

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Ignoring

Not getting involved in the victim’s story under the pretext that it does not concern you, that it is not your problem. Ignoring the request for help.

Blaming them

Blaming the victim for what they did not do. Suggesting that the victim is responsible for what happened to her.

Overprotecting

To smother, overprotect the victim by preventing her from going out, seeing friends or sleeping outside her home.

Moving on

Preventing the victim from expressing the negative emotions they are experiencing under the pretext that they should not live in the past or that it is not good for them.

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12 supportive attitudes

You can make a difference in the journey of a sexual assault survivor by adopting supportive attitudes.

Sexual assault is an act of domination, humiliation, abuse of power and violence mainly committed against women and children, which is a form of social control by trying to keep women in fear and in subordination.

You can make a difference in the journey of a sexual assault survivor by adopting supportive attitudes.

Here are 12 supportive attitudes from the #WeBelieveYou campaign. You can click on each attitude for a detailed explanation and concrete examples.

Believe

You don’t have to prove that an assault has occurred. Avoid comments that question their word or target their integrity.

Listen without judging

Focus on active listening and avoid leading questions.

Respect the victim’s pace, experience and words

Respect the victim’s experience and let the person speak in his or her own words and reveal what he or she can. Do not ask questions about the assault; the victim is more important than the events.

Receive without amplifying or minimizing

Not all victims react the same way, but sexual assault always affects their privacy and psychological integrity. It is therefore important not to minimize, dramatize or compare what they are experiencing.

Ensure confidentiality

Assure them of your discretion and confidentiality, unless the abuse continues or her safety is compromised.

Avoid overreaction

Be careful not to express your outrage or anger at the situation to her. They may hold back or feel abnormal for not feeling angry.

Validate their emotions and feelings

Allow them to cry, scream, laugh and express their feelings, including anger and shame.

Make them feel less guilty: It is never the victim’s fault

Put the responsibility back on the abuser. Any remark can be seen as an accusation and can make the victim feel more guilty, thus jeopardizing her recovery.

Ensure the victim’s safety

Check to see if the person is in danger, has suicidal thoughts and needs professional help.

Offer support, be present, be available

Assure them of your availability by respecting your limits and check if the person has a support network (family, friends).

Help the person identify his or her needs, encourage autonomy

Letting the person make their own choices is helping them regain power over their life. Encourage them, build on their strengths.

Refer them to resources

Encourage them to seek support: Referral is help. Talk to them about the CALAS and how to reach us. Offer “tangible help” if you can: Accompany them to get medical help, give them information, etc.

It’s my business

Taking action against sexual violence

Sexual violence concerns us all and there are many ways to deal with this issue. As a witness, you have a duty to intervene in a situation of sexual violence.

An active witness is someone who observes unacceptable behaviour towards someone else and intervenes to change the course of events. Because we are all concerned by this social problem, let’s commit together to actively fight against sexual violence.

Take action

Speak out when you hear comments that minimize sexual violence

Deconstruct the myths and prejudices surrounding sexual assault

Educate those around you about the concept of free and informed consent

Act

Assist a victim or seek help if you witness sexual violence

Organize prevention and awareness activities to ensure an environment free of sexual violence

Mobilize your community to adapt to the needs of survivors with concrete procedures

Support

Believe victims when they disclose sexual violence

Refer survivors who confide in you to the appropriate resources

Listen to their needs

More information on the role of active witnesses

Informations

Trançons tes limites campaign (French)

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